Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode
Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive. Gabriele Nicolet is a Toddler Whisperer, Parent Coach and Speech Therapist. – She is the co-founder of Raising Orchid Kids – an online, global parent education and coaching practice, as well as the owner of GabrieleNicolet.com – a parent coaching practice in the DC metro area. Gabriele has a hard time eating out in restaurants if children are present because she always wants to play. She is passionate about all things child development, and particularly fascinated by the ways in which common parenting practices affect highly sensitive (Orchid) kids and how to tweak them so that everyone can stay calm and become their best Selves. Have questions? Reach out today complicatedkidspodcast@gmail.com.    
  1. All Episodes
  2. The ABCs of Big Emotions with Elizabeth Sautter

Jun 16, 2026

You do not have to be afraid of big emotions, but you do need a way to meet them.

In this episode, I talk with Elizabeth Sautter about what actually helps in those moments when a child’s feelings get big. Elizabeth walks us through her ABCs of big emotions framework: first assess and get curious, then balance the brain, and then move toward connection and collaboration.

We talk about why behavior is data, why the first move is not fixing or teaching, and why the adult’s ability to pause matters so much. She also reminds us that self-care is not selfish, it is essential, because we cannot lend regulation to a child when our own system is already flooded.

We also get into what this looks like in real life. Elizabeth explains why telling a dysregulated child to take a deep breath often backfires, why “listen and validate” has to come before problem-solving, and why connection in the moment is different from collaboration later. There is such a helpful reframe here around emotions taking the time they take. The goal is not to rush them out of the body. The goal is to help a child feel safe enough to move through them and then build more skills outside the crisis moment.

Key Takeaways

  • Big emotions are data. They are not something to fear or immediately shut down. They are a stress response and a form of communication.
  • The first step is assessment, not control. Elizabeth’s “A” is about assessing the moment, pausing, and getting curious about what is really happening underneath the behavior.
  • Self-care is part of co-regulation. If the adult nervous system is already overwhelmed, it is much harder to respond with steadiness.
  • Balance the brain before you try to teach. The “B” is about helping the adult and child nervous systems settle enough that thinking becomes possible again.
  • One breath for me, one breath for you. Elizabeth offers this as a simple way for adults to ground themselves and orient toward supporting the child without demanding the child self-regulate first.
  • Do not ask a dysregulated child to perform calm. If a child is already flooded, telling them to breathe or answer questions may just add more pressure.
  • Connection comes before collaboration. In the moment, the work is to listen and validate. The learning, problem-solving, and collaboration happen later, when the child is back in a learning state.
  • Validation does not require fixing. Sometimes what helps most is being present, using a slow and low voice, and letting the child know their feelings are not too much for the relationship.
  • Emotions are not supposed to move on our timetable. Kids are born with all the feelings and not all the skills, so part of the work is tolerating that emotions take time.
  • Skill building mostly happens outside the crisis. The longer-term work is proactive sensory support, movement, regulation tools, and practicing what to do before the next hard moment arrives.

About Elizabeth Sautter

Elizabeth Sautter, MA, CCC-SLP, is a speech-language pathologist, author, trainer, and social-emotional learning coach with more than 25 years of experience supporting neurodivergent individuals and their families.

She is the author of Make Social and Emotional Learning Stick, co-founder of The Connected Family Community, and a collaborator with The Zones of Regulation® and Everyday Regulation.

As a neurodivergent adult and parent of two neurodivergent boys, Elizabeth combines professional expertise with lived experience to offer practical, neurodiversity-affirming strategies that support emotional regulation, executive functioning, and communication through everyday routines.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I’m Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube
👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story
➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet
➡️ Facebook: Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here

Enjoying the Show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.

If there’s a topic you’d love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what’s on your mind and what would support your family.

Thank you for being here 💛